The modern dating environment has changed. That shouldn’t be news to you but it’s worthwhile to recognize and note the changes. For one, you probably feel like you’re the problem. Or, you feel like other people are just crazy because why else would finding love be this hard. If you’ve noticed a shift in dating and are starting to feel like a victim there is something that you can do. It’s sort of sad that we have to work so hard to keep another person interested in dating us but the truth is, we do and we should.

If you’re dating someone you care about, you should want to keep them interested in you because unknowingly as singles, we do more to push people away than we do to allow them into our lives. Surprised? Don’t be. It seems odd that singles would spend so much time keeping love out when they want it so badly but let’s be honest emotions are uncomfortable. Dating and falling in love aren’t easy, so it makes sense that we readily guard ourselves from the relationship that we say we want.

This is an article about you. It’s about the many ways that you could be disallowing the love that you desperately want. You want it but you also fear it. If you find yourself needing “proof” that someone is interested in you, then you may be guilty of keeping love out.  If you want to keep anyone interested in dating you then take these simple tips on board.

Ask great questions

There’s a great book called the big book of questions. It asks things such as: if you could spend the day with anyone who would it be, or would you kill one person to save thousands. Some questions are deep and profound, others are funny or thoughtful. It’s been proven from the study by the psychologist Arthur Aron that it only take 36 specific questions to fall in love with anyone. This is the power of questions. Become insanely curious about the guy that you’re dating.

Text consistently

Texts are attention. There is no written rule that one person is responsible for texting the other person. We like attention. Most humans have since birth. Crying baby, anyone? So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the reason we get so bent out of shape when someone is NOT texting us is because it’s attention that we’re not getting.

Needing attention is a problem, but the inability to give your attention to someone else, outside of your incessant thoughts, is even more alarming. Whether it’s a morning text to say hello, or an end of day message to ask how their day went. Be consistent to give attention not to get it. Show your interest and your confidence in one action. Why don’t we do this? We feel like we’re bothering someone, or that our attention is not wanted. But if you want to be someone that other people remember you have to kick those negative thoughts and get some confidence.

Compliment them

Everyone likes compliments. I repeat, Everyone likes compliments. I wrote an excellent book about it, because I understand the value of a good compliment and the doors a good compliment can open. If you feel unable to give a compliment to someone that you care about and want to date seriously you should examine where this hesitation stems from.

Compliments are wonderful because they verbally recognize attributes about someone that they can feel good about. Compliments let people know that you notice, and appreciate them. “Compliments are acts of kindness. When given you are affirming some one else, which is powerful. They say that women fall in love with their ears but the truth is we all do to some degree.”

Tell them what you like

If you want to keep your date interested start by telling them about what you like. You are an individual and in order for someone to like you, they have to know you. Start to articulate clearly the things that you like to give them a better perspective of who you are as a person. This might sound simple and redundant but if you’re focused on what you’re interested in getting, it’s easy to be amiable in order to keep the peace.

But interesting people will stay on everyone’s minds. Know what you stand for, what you like and speak up about it. We are so quick to talk about what we don’t like and we omit our passions and the things that really bring us joy. Talk about what you like, say it often and make it clear.

Be patient

Dating is a long term game. You don’t want to burn hot and burn out quickly. If someone is into you, you want it to last, so be patient. The mistake I see people making is expecting a potential partner to drop everything to date them. You shouldn’t expect that, and you shouldn’t do that yourself.  Patience is about being relaxed in the process. Not freaking out if you don’t get a text back, or a call when you expect it. It’s also about not reading into someone’s behavior as a sign that they like you. You want to run the long race and take your time.

Choose the right person

In dating we almost completely forget that we can choose who we date. The feeling of desperation shouldn’t cloud your judgment in who you choose to go out with. If you want to keep anyone interested in you, you first have to choose the right person. There is nothing you can do to hold onto someone that doesn’t want to be held. By qualifying your dates before you go out with them, you can eliminate the doubt that they’re interested in you in the first place. This means, not just asking someone out because you want to meet a potential partner but asking them out because you actually like them. Choose the right person from the beginning, and relax a little.  

When searching for someone that you really like, it’s important to know what will determine if someone is worth dating in the first place. These are your standards. Apply them to your journey and you’ll find it easier to find willing participants. You don’t want to manipulate anyone into being with you. This is about opening the path ways that you might unknowingly be blocking.