When was the last time you were in an amazing relationship?
I don’t mean who was the last person you slept with that didn’t want to ruin things with titles or the last person you let into your life as a priority but made you an option.
I’m talking about a real genuine relationship that had its problems here and there but was perfect in ways that truly mattered.
Nineteen ninety-never you say?
It’s likely that you’ve never been in an amazing relationship. This makes me wonder why so many singles dwell on the past where shitty relationships happened as if it were their golden years of dating. If you’ve had a relationship EVER and it ended now is the time to accept that it wasn’t the right relationship for you.
Not only should you accept that what happened between you and this person was a necessary ordeal in your growth process but you also need to accept that now that they’re gone you’re better off. Before you start shaking your head in disagreement I want you to go out on a limb and accept one more stark reality; your past doesn’t have to matter.
Whoa now! Hold the phones!
The past is all you have, the past is what you’re afraid of that prevents you from moving on to the future, and if you ignore the past you’re bound to make the same mistakes again, right? Wrong!
Your dating past is wiped clean existing only by your will and desire to hold on to it.
Did I just blow your mind?
Dating isn’t job hunting. No one who is worth dating looks at what you’ve done and who you’ve dating as a character test.
At least they shouldn’t.
The truth is, with every person you’ve dated you’ve changed.
You’re not the person you were when you first entered into your last relationship so even if you were to relive the past you’re no longer the person in the story. You’re sharing a history of someone who is long gone. Either because you’ve learned what not to do or you’ve recognized what needs to be done in order to make love work with another person.
When your last crap relationship ended (and yes I’m calling it crap because if it were good you’d still be in it) you became someone else.
Once you moved past the hurt, pain, disappointment or shock and hopefully you did, you built coping skills and character skills that you didn’t have before. If you knew when you started your last relationship how strong you could be, you might have ended it sooner or not started it at all.
If you knew way back when how much strength it would take to deal with the hurt, pain and frustrations you might not have believed you had it in you. But if you’ve moved on from your last relationship you’re not the same.
You’re better. You’re stronger.
So let go of the scary, ugly, horrible past that you think makes you less than you are. In fact, it makes you so much better having come through it. So now that it’s over, leave it in the past.
Stop thinking about it, and stop judging yourself by it.
- You are not the sum of your past relationships!
- You are not the product of rejections and disappointments!
- You are not the You of your past!
Believe that you can date as if what has happened didn’t happen to you because it didn’t. You’re not that person anymore.
Thoughts?