Today’s dating landscape can seem like it’s a merry-go-round of choices that lead to emotional disappointments, feelings of not being good enough, and losing hope that love is possible. If this sounds like you, it’s time to think about a dating detox.
Yes, that’s right. I’m an advocate and trained professional for helping people find love and keep those relationships. However, as I’ve said many times before, relationships take work. Dating takes work. And sometimes, you need a break.
Think of a “dating detox” like you would a detox for your body. After exposing your body to all kinds of food and environmental toxins, you want to hit the reset button. Well, the same goes for your dating life. After trying different ways of meeting new people and going on dates with no success…taking a pause is wise.
Not sure if it’s time for a break? Today, I’m going to help you with a few critical pieces:
- Recognize the signs of dating fatigue
- Learn how to find success in new opportunities, plus
- Gain the confidence to leave the online world in the background and date in real life
Let’s get started!
How to recognize the signs of dating fatigue
Have you ever been excited to go on a first date only to be disappointed by how the person reminds you of your ex? Or, are there other dates you’ve had and don’t want to repeat?
Sometimes you may fall into patterns by attracting a certain type of person, and this type of person just doesn’t work for you. This is a huge sign that it’s time for a detox. Below you’ll find the steps for getting out of a rut if you’ve been dating the same type of person.
Step 1: Check your behavior patterns
This one is important. Are you going to the same places? Are you constantly searching for the same “type” of person? It can be tough to avoid dating mr. wrong.
No matter if you’re always dating athletes, mama’s boys, musicians, or geeks… whatever your normal type is, it’s time to switch up your routine. This will help you break old habits and find new, exciting potential matches.
Step 2: Do a social media audit
Your social media page is the virtual you. Whether you like it or not, people will pass judgements based on your social media activity. So, go through your various channels and ensure the virtual you is a match to the real you. If your posts are all about activities you don’t value or don’t showcase other fun aspects of yourself, you could be attracting the wrong kind of person. You want your social media to show a healthy and balanced depiction of the genuine you.
These subtle changes may be all you need to attract better prospects, liven up your dating life, and make your dating detox successful.
Speaking of a fresh slate, let’s move on to a deeper, more difficult topic. Have you been through heartbreak or divorce? After a heartbreak or divorce, the prospect of dating can feel like a momentous challenge. You aren’t alone. These times, while extremely trying, can provide you with new opportunities.
Coming back from heartbreak
It’s natural to feel as if you’ve lost a part of yourself after divorce or heartbreak. Many women feel a deep sense of loss. It’s not uncommon for women to report feeling situational depression as a part of the grieving process for the relationship ending. There are many other factors that make heartbreak difficult for women, but hear me out when I say this next: divorce is an opportunity for a fresh slate, which we’ve mentioned a few times now.
Step 3: Salute the younger you
You’re a little older now, which can cause a loss in confidence. Channel the younger you, you know, the one from the past who was fearless. Bring her back. Channeling your youthful self will help you get back out there. Practice your posture and self-assured body language, which will bring in the confidence so you can initiate conversations with eligible dates.
Step 4: Ditch the negativity
It’s easy to fall into a negative post-heartbreak spiral and start self-doubting. Don’t do it. Negativity is never the answer. You can’t change the past and negative self-banter will only harm the present and future you. It’s hard to change this cycle, I know, but if you employ positive thinking habitually, you’ll find yourself in a much happier mental state.
Step 5: Say hello to the future you
Say hello to the future you… or, in other words, reinvent yourself. Change is a good thing; embrace it. Maybe you can update your wardrobe, maybe you can try a whole new beginning. You can revisit forgotten passions, switch your career, pick up a cup of java at a new coffee shop, or change your zip code. This new you and the boost to your self-esteem will pair nicely with a fresh start.
Okay, you know how to recognize dating fatigue, the dating detox steps are working, and you’re ready to get back out there and start dating again. Thinking of dipping your toe back in the dating pool? Don’t worry! I’ve got you covered with the next set of dating tips.
The dating landscape can be noisy, busy, overwhelming… the list goes on. How do people make it look so easy?
Well, every successful dater has these four things:
#1. A positive mindset
We’ve all been told our attitudes play a huge role in the outcomes of our lives. Maybe that saying gets old, but in this case, it’s very much true. Your attitude can influence how others perceive you, the way you communicate, and the judgements you make. Your current world reflects what you’re saying to yourself on a daily basis – make those words positive ones.
#2. A polished image
As humans, we are attracted to what we find beautiful and intriguing. This applies to the dating world as well. You will be more attracted to someone who is appealing to you, interesting, and vice versa. So, polish that image. Make the conscious effort to present yourself in the best way you can.
#3. An introduction
Did you know most people make judgments about you in 3-6 seconds? It can take longer than that to sneeze! Now that you know this, develop your personal elevator pitch. You’ve heard this in reference to the professional world, but it’s applicable to the romantic one as well. Having a solid introduction will impress your potential match and open the door for a conversation to blossom.
#4. A dating card
Much like a business card, a dating card will leave a lasting impression of your personal brand. This has been tried and tested, and many of my clients have said this is what leaves a lasting impression when meeting people organically.
What to remember when designing your dating card:
- Use a current professionally taken picture where you are posed in a natural, fun way.
- Use flattering colors that also show off your personality.
- Avoid patterned clothing and opt for solid colors that compliment you.
- Two sides are better than one. Put your image on one side and your information on the other.
Now it’s time to talk about the “game” of dating. Media and our social environment tell us dating is a game and the end-goal is to find the one. Love and dating can sometimes be a bit like Snakes and Ladders with lots of potential painful moments that you may fall prey to on your way to happily ever after. Why is this so and how should you “play”?
The dating game
This “game” we play is a result of collective thinking and assumptions made based on our past experiences, which then shape our lens of perception. There’s nothing wrong with drawing on past experiences to understand our world. This is normal, human behavior. However, just because our dating life was “X” in the past, doesn’t mean it will always be “Y” in the future.
Clarify what is important to you. Filter out the noise of others and their dating game rules and just listen to yourself. What do you want? What works for you? Once you have those answers, you’ve found your new “rules.” Don’t settle for anything that falls too far outside those rules.
From online to IRL
Throughout this article, you’ve learned how to recognize the signs of dating fatigue as well as how to identify dating detox dos and don’ts. We’ve discussed how heartbreak leads to new opportunities and how to be successful in those opportunities. There’s one last thing I’d like to address: online dating.
Are you tired of dating apps? Online dating has pros and cons. For the purpose of this article (dating detox), I’d like to challenge you to leave the dating apps behind and connect with other singles in real life.
If you’ve experienced heartbreak or are entering the dating world after a long reprieve, online dating may not be your best option. It’s easier to feel dating fatigue while searching through countless online matches and going on blind dates.
If you follow my tips from above, you’ll be successful in not only detoxing your dating life but also breathing new life into it.