I don’t have a lot of sex. Never has it ever been a dilemma in my life whether or not to have sex on the first date. In my mind, if you have sex with a stranger the very first time that you go out, it’s likely to be your last date. Of course there are exceptions to the rule and we all have that one girl’s cousins, sister’s, neighbors, uncles, and nanny’s best friend who had sex on the first date and ended up happily married. Exceptions to the rule exist but be real, they don’t apply to most of us. Although the question is generally aimed at women.
“Should you have sex on your first date?”
Imagine you were eating at a restaurant and you had the most amazing filet mignon that money could buy. You thought it was delicious so much so, that you wanted to thank the chef. When the chef stops by your table he informs you that he actually dropped your steak on the floor before it was cooked but since heat kills most of the germs, you’d be fine, you won’t get sick, nothing to worry about. How would you feel? Sick, cheated, disgusted, suspicious and likely never to eat at that restaurant again.
If a man can have sex with a woman on a first date and be unconcerned with if she has ever had sex with anyone else so casually, kudos to him but I doubt it. It may seem harmless and like a man won’t pass judgment on a woman who lets him hit it but society says there is something wrong. You can assure yourself that it doesn’t matter to you and that it doesn’t matter to your date but you cannot undo years of brainwashing and social conditioning. Whether it matters in the grand scheme of getting to know a person, I can’t say but it’s hard for someone growing up in today’s society to completely erase the negative connotations associated with the act. Why risk a budding relationship on impulse.
To me the more important question is, “Why would you want to have sex on the first date?” If you want to have sex with someone then you’re wasting a lot of time chitchatting and bullshitting unnecessarily over a cheap meal and weak drinks. If you’re going along with the charade of a date when you really just want to have sex, you’re wasting your time. If you care nothing about a relationship then have all the sex that you desire. Those women however, who complain that they never get men to commit to them but they’re giving up the cookies like it’s a St. Bernadette’s Sunday School bake sale, those are the ones who may need press pause on having sex too soon.
Single men and women date with their own agendas yet ask strangers to play by rules that they don’t even know. Women don’t have to believe that sex is so important to a man that after she gives it up the man has nothing to work for. Maybe that’s not true. Although it has been proven time and time again that a woman is more likely to get dumped the sooner she sleeps with a man, that doesn’t mean it will happen every time.
What I believe is that you have to be an asset in another person’s life for them to want to continue to date you. You have to add value to a person’s life and the person you are dating has to feel better with you than with someone else. Sex, is just too easy to come by for it to be an asset in landing a man. Every woman has a vagina so I refuse to believe that it’s some kind of trump card for landing in a relationship. It’s likely that having sex on the first date will lead you into a relationship with a man that’s just a ho. Renowned matchmaker, Rachel Greenwald, says it best in her book, “Have Him at Hello…” the point of a first date is to get a second date. Is sex really necessary?