It’s embarrassing to think that anyone would deny themselves a healthy loving relationship but if you are dating casually, that’s exactly what you’re doing. There isn’t a dating expert who hasn’t at some point echoed the cliché dating is a numbers game.
How are you going to meet the right person unless you are willing to date enough of the wrong people? In theory, this makes sense but unfortunately, what happens within our minds and bodies when we are constantly met with disappointment is not a mathematical equation.
You can’t separate your feelings from your experiences because the memory of every experience, (yes, every single experience) is logged in our emotions.
In the post pandemic dating world, the only way to create a path for success in dating is by entering into an agreement before you date. This might sound counter intuitive.
- Why would you want to commit to someone before you know them?
- What if you commit to someone and then meet your soulmate?
- What if you commit to someone and you don’t like them but become emotionally attached or dependent?
These questions leave single men and women struggling when it comes to dating but ultimately, it’s just fear showing up in the form of indecision. Single adults believe that if they never decide then whatever happens to me or for me is the “right” thing. But ‘decide’ is exactly what you must do.
Your version of dating and the landscape of modern dating is probably not compatible. Having a healthy and loving relationship doesn’t come about by accident. In order to create the romantic life that you’ve always wanted you have to develop a strategy that actually works, and by working – gives you what you want.
Decide clearly how you want to feel.
I want to feel safe and trusted with my partner. I want to feel like a priority and like I am well taken care of. I want to feel connected and free to be myself without judgment. I want to feel sexy, attractive, and desired.
Decide what you’ll ask for.
In order to know if the person you’re interested in can deliver what you want, you have to start making requests. A request is not a demand. There is no reason to hold back asking for what you want with small requests that prove this person is able to meet your needs. Not asking for what you want is unfair because it denies the person in your life an opportunity to make you happy. Anyone who cares for you cares about your happiness.
Decide how you’ll deal with rejection.
Rejection and dating go hand in hand. It is impossible to get everyone you find attractive to be equally as attracted to you. It’s not uncommon to be rejected, it literally happens to everyone. Yes, everyone.
So what will you do when it happens to you?
- How will you feel about yourself?
- What meaning will you assign to it?
Having a plan to deal with rejection is a sign of maturity and it can make dating a lot less intimidating.
So why is this so important, and unlike a time in dating that we’ve experienced before? The landscape of dating has changed post pandemic as we see less and less connections with family and close friends in the life of the average adult. Today, we are more likely to live in a different city, even country, than we grew up in.
Singles are more likely to change careers leading them to disconnect with past friendships with former co-workers. All in all, adults are more likely to charter new paths in life and career that leave them lonely and isolated.
Dating someone for the sake of self-exploration might have made more sense when less self-exploration was being done. In today’s world where the access to therapy and coaching is so readily available you don’t need a dinner date to learn about what you are, what you like, or your emotional needs.
You only need a romantic partner that can help you to explore and further define what you already know.