Dating is not what it used to be.
Based on movies, literature, music, and art – even nature – men are the pursuers. The hunters. As told by the culture, men love the hunt and the chase. They love the thrill of the chase, and if a man isn’t chasing you, then he isn’t into you.
This classic mindset leaves many women miserable. Convinced that the man in their life just doesn’t want to be with her because he isn’t in dogged pursuit. This might have held true for a generation of men but in today’s dating world when a date is at everyone’s figure tips the chase no longer has appeal.
In today’s world the convenient option is the one that is chosen. Food delivered, rideshares called, and the automatic relationship should be accessed with the snap of a finger. Anything else is just work and the modern man seems averse to the work that relationships require.
Of course the argument can be made that – not all men – but the reality is that most men operate from an insecure and confused place that makes them more averse to rejection than ever. A man that isn’t chasing you like a dog chases a squirrel isn’t a man that is disinterested. He’s a man that has never found reward in the chase.
Women are easy to get.
And a man who isn’t calling you, the same man that used to be labeled as someone not interested, is not calling you because the current culture makes less phone calls. Is it laziness, disinterest, confusion, or fear of rejection? It’s hard to tell but if you’re dealing with it, here is what you can do about it.
Call Him
Pursuing a man, chasing a man, doing a ‘man’s job’ is seen as a No-No in the dating advice world but it’s a complex ideology for the modern woman. Shouldn’t you get what you want? Shouldn’t you go after what you want? Shouldn’t you be a boss and just take the bull by the horns and call this guy, if you want to?
Yes, if the reason you want him is genuine and not your inner child screaming out for attention and security. If you are trying to be fair and believe that calling him is empowering and self-affirming then call.
No, if you are intimidated by the thought of rejection or you feel desperate. If calling him disempowers you then don’t make the call. Don’t call him just because you want his attention and he is driving your anxiety to insane levels.
Get a Life, No Really
There is nothing more exciting than having a life that doesn’t center around dating and relationships. It’s one thing to understand that you should have your own hobbies, friends, and passions but it’s another thing to put it into practice.
When you have your own life, you know. Hours will go by and the stress of not hearing from your guy will be non-existent. You’ll know that you’re really having a life when you don’t check your phone for his call, or you don’t have time to talk to him even if he did call. You’ll know that you’re really having a life when you aren’t worried about a guy calling.
When you don’t have a life or you don’t like the life you have then the idea or prospect of a relationship becomes an escape. It’s a ship coming to take you away from the deserted island you call reality.
A relationship will not rescue you. If you have a life that you love, then a man not calling is just an event and it will not distract you or steal your joy. Think about what you want to pursue and follow that dream.
Troll Him On Social Media
Trolling the guy that isn’t calling you might not help your relationship but it will satisfy your need for attention. You run the risk of being even more frustrated by his behaviour if he follows your social media journeys but won’t text or call you back but you also get more evidence of his intentions.
If a man is willing to watch your life play out on Instagram or Snapchat but doesn’t feel like he wants to be a part of it then that is all the information that you need to know to move on. A man that wants to be with you will make time for you. If he has other intentions then you’ll find yourself questioning all of his behavior.
Yes, he can watch all of your ‘stories’ and not text you back. Rude, indeed.
It might sound ‘unhealthy’ but if you aren’t getting his attention directly then at least indirectly you can test if he is actually interested in you at all. Whether he watches your social media feed or doesn’t, if he isn’t contacting you at this point – move on.