So, are you married yet?
Being single can be challenging at any time of the year but it tends to be overwhelming as we get closer to year’s end.
The images of happy couples, perfect families, warm gatherings permeate the media and advertising. They are impossible to avoid.
It makes you a little sick, but also a little sad. Whether you’re single by circumstance, a recent breakup, not having met the right person, or haven’t put yourself out there, surviving the holiday season single is a new challenge in and of itself.
Don’t Go On Dating Apps
Contrary to popular belief the holidays are not the time to start a new endeavor into online dating.
Even when you feel compelled to update your profile, or just take a quick browse of who’s out there, dating apps are a breeding ground for desperate singles. Circumstantially, they would love to connect with someone, but in reality, it’s an emotionally unstable time for all. Superfluous relationships should be avoided at all costs.
Dating app user increases significantly over the holiday season for various reasons. You have the newly single, who are looking to see what’s out there after their failed relationships, as well as the travelers who find themselves back in their home town and desperate for a date for New Year’s. As romantic a setting this might be for a Hallmark Movie, it’s a unstable foundation for you. Putting yourself at the mercy of those who aren’t looking for love, but trying to avoid loneliness is not the way you want to end the year.
Create An Avatar
Most people tend to reflect on their lives as the year comes to a close.
This is as good of a time as any to start to revamp your ‘list’. The best way to find what you want, is to be crystal clear on what ( or who) that is. An Avatar, unlike a list, is a psychographic sketch of the person you want to meet. It’s a curation of attributes that don’t include physical appearance, but instead focuses on how you want to feel when you’re with this person.
Who you choose as a partner is based on two factors; sexual selection and mate selection. Often when you look at your list, there are too many physical attributes to be considered. By creating an Avatar you choose from personality traits that match your own. Instead of thinking about an Ex, or the last person you dated, you now have a clear picture of your future match. Keep this in your mind during this holiday season.
Deepen Your Relationships
Love is the same.
No matter who you give it to, or how you experience it, it has the same biochemical effects. Minus the hormones of lust, having a loving experience with the stranger looks the same on a biochemical level as it does with your parents, or best friend. For this reason, deepening the relationships that you do have will help you get closer to the romantic relationship that you want.
If you feel like you are missing that connection that comes with having a romantic partner, you can recreate it with someone close to you. Your body won’t know the difference. This allows you to bring your vibrational energy up a few notions to match the frequency of attraction. Don’t believe the hype. Try it.
Intimacy with anyone on any level is good for you. And it’s always good practice. The absence of romantic love can make you feel isolated and lonely. By cultivating these emotions with friends, and family, you fill that void and you’ll start to recognize more opportunities for love in your life.
Practice Closeness
Not being partnered doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re lonely but you might be.
This isn’t a bad thing, in fact, it’s totally normal. Maybe you’re dating but not dating seriously, or you haven’t become exclusive. It’s easy to want to isolate yourself and spend time reflecting on your past year. You don’t need a relationship to feel close to the people in your life, whether it’s co-workers or the barista at your local coffee place.
Find a way to ask an intimate question to someone that you would typically be superficial with. Give someone a hug, that maybe you’ve just met or don’t know that well. Instead of skipping seats in the movie theater, or crowded event, sit beside someone. Getting physical close with others breaks down a barrier between you and them.
The voice in your head that tells you to keep a safe distance can be dangerous. Instead of creating distance, practice creating closeness. In how many ways can you get closer to the people you encounter everyday?
Be Of Service
The best way to survive the holidays without a partner is to focus on other people.
The narrative that people care the most about themselves instead exactly true. Yes, most humans tend to think the most about themselves and their problems but out of safety not vanity. Humans worry. Instead of placing the focus inside, look for external ways to be of service to others. Romantic relationships help to teach you more about yourself, but so does helping others.
When you are of service, you can open your heart space for appreciation instead of fear. Being of service to someone else is a great distraction from any negative emotions you might experience about being single during the holiday season.