When I worked in the fitness industry one of the biggest challenges for overweight clients was their perception of having to try to lose weight.When we start the process of changing ourselves, we have to first come to grips that there is something about us that we don’t like. This idea is embarrassing.
As adults we’re supposed to feel okay with ourselves. When you begin to make changes, especially to your appearance, there is a stigma that you have low self-esteem or you don’t like who you are as a person.
Just because you want to improve yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t like who you are. Even if you don’t like who you are, you’re making the change because you want to begin to like yourself even more.
When it comes to looks and dating, it’s imperative that you like how you look.
While looks don’t matter in the grand scheme of finding genuine love, in dating what does matter is how you feel about yourself. Owning your “look” is a critical factor in displaying confidence.
If you want to begin to change your looks to improve your dating life, I say congratulations. Don’t be afraid that people will assume you’re unhappy with your looks. Don’t pay attention to the appearance of having to try or make an effort to be attractive. But you don’t want it to seem like you’re trying too hard.
When it comes to appearance, I don’t believe that people try hard enough! No matter who you are, you can always be more attractive. The key is wanting to be your most attractive self.
Don’t you want to look in the mirror and think, “Damn I’m sexy”? When you think about the concept that the world is mirror, imagine your thoughts being broadcast to the world.
Do you tell yourself; “I’m fat,” “My nose is too big,” “I have too much acne,” “M clothes are so out of style,” “My hair is flat, damaged, an ugly color,” “I look a mess” or any other negative statements?
I understand better than anyone the strong desire to want to look different and become more attractive. It wasn’t a matter of competing with other women that was my driving force; it was my desire to be my standard of beauty.
While some might accuse my standard is generic and socially influenced, I still feel the most beautiful when I’m living up to my own ideals.
So you want to change the way you look and become more attractive to the opposite sex. Here is how to start in 3 simple steps.
1. Speak to yourself as if the world can hear.
Imagine the world was listening on your inner dialogue. What conclusion would people draw about the way you feel about yourself? Adults are great at pretending. While it might seem self-preserving to lie to yourself about your self-image, if the world could hear your inner speech would it be positive or negative?
Do you put yourself down, are you berating and abusive to yourself? Or are you encouraging and forgiving?
The truth is, you can’t help the things you want. Pretending not to want them only makes them more desirable. Wanting to be thin can’t be absolved with words. You will only feel good about yourself when you are thin or at least thinner.
Wanting to be stylish isn’t a desire you can think away. It has to be resolved. You can become stylish or you can wish the rest of your life that you had become stylish.
2. Wear color around your face.
Sound silly? Insecure people hide behind their clothes. They wear clothes that are neutral, black, dark, indistinct, plain, boring etc. Just because you like drab colors doesn’t make you insecure. But before you start to oppose my statement consider this: is the way you look a contributing factor to your love life?
Is your appearance an advantage or ineffective?
When you consider wearing color near your face you will bring positive attention to yourself. People like colors. Most people have a favorite color. If you wear it they will take notice of you in a color that resonates with them. It is simple logic.
If someone likes giraffes and your shirt has giraffes on it, they are likely to comment, to notice you. If you want to appear attractive to the opposite sex, wear color. Colors are attractive. (Have peacocks taught us nothing) It’s that simple.
3. Put 50% more effort into how you look.
There’s a tendency to feel embarrassed if we try to look attractive. If you’re someone who never wears makeup and you begin to wear makeup, you might feel self conscious that it seems that you’re ‘trying to hard.’
My opinion is that all this time you haven’t been trying hard enough. In essence you’ve been selling yourself short because you aren’t living up to your beauty potential. If you’re uncomfortable with putting more effort into your looks maybe you aren’t serious about attracting the right partner.
You deserve to give yourself 100% effort! Why aren’t you spending more time on your skin care and fitness? Why aren’t you devoting your time to finding clothes that fit and flatter your body? The key to successful dating is eliminating the factors holding you back from success. If it’s your looks, that’s an easy fix. Appearing attractive and confident takes work, until you actually are attractive and confident.
Don’t talk yourself out of being the person you truly want to be. Encourage yourself to be better at everything you do, and improve on the great qualities you already have.
Thoughts?