My mission is not to teach you how to love but to help you to clear the blocks keeping you from love.
One thing that keeps love out of your life is living in the past. The past can cause more damage on our future than we realize.
If you’re serious about having a passionate relationship and possibly getting married then you have to leave the past behind.
Are you stuck in the past? Are you replaying tapes of hurt and pain that are inhibiting you from moving forward in dating? At first glance, this might not sound like you but if we dig a little deeper you’ll understand that when you hold onto the past you’re missing out on possible relationships that could be occurring now in the present. How can you tell?
YOU DRESS IN THE PAST
Are you wishing for the body you had? Are you holding onto clothes that are no longer “in style”? Are you waiting for more money, a new job or a different body before you treat yourself to new clothes that make you look and feel your best?
Make yourself over.
You have changed. You are not the same person you were 3, 5 or 10 years ago. You are smarter, and more experienced. If you have a new body make peace with yourself. Embrace the change. When you look into the mirror you should see exactly the person you want to be.
Your personal style sends a message about who you are. It shouldn’t say, “I was better in ’85.”
Ask yourself if your clothes truly reflect where you want to be in your life now, if not, ditch them. Don’t hold onto anything that isn’t serving you.
YOU STILL REFER TO YOUR “EX”
Words have power and in order to truly let go of a past relationship you have to stop talking about it. If you are single, never speak of your EX again. Ever.
No one wants to hear about it, you just want to talk about it and every time you do you’re reliving a part of history that has past.
When you talk about the past you give it new life. If you have a former relationship that holds meaning for you, the best way to let it go is to stop talking about it. Don’t mention it.
If you’re asked about an Ex, brush it off and changed the subject. It’s not important. It doesn’t matter. It only seems to matter because you are still talking about it and giving it relevance. It has none.
YOU’RE STUCK IN YOUR CHILDHOOD
I love the saying, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”
It means your childhood, as traumatic as it might have been, is gone. It will only be as good or bad as you remember it. So do yourself a favor and remember it fondly or seek professional help.
When we are wounded emotionally we tend to find healing in detrimental ways. We actually cause further damage by seeking relief from the pain through other people. The right relationship can heal your past but only if you’re willing to let it.
If you’re seeking to heal your childhood wounds through a relationship, you have a better chance by finding a good therapist.
As a child if you were never loved, appreciated, hugged enough or something more distressing then you owe it to yourself to heal. Don’t use the pain of your past as a safety net or security blanket. Don’t let your childhood be the reason you can’t accept love in your life today.
Acknowledge what painful feelings you’re still harboring and commit to healing them immediately.
YOU BLAME YOURSELF FOR PAST MISTAKES
Whatever you did wrong in the past, let it go. Whatever mistakes you made then, even if you’re living with the consequences now, forgive yourself.
Many people, whether single or coupled, are incredibly hard on themselves. They feel unlovable because they’ve made mistakes in their past. They punish themselves for not meeting a certain standard that can never be achieved.
- Do you blame yourself for slip-ups, call yourself names, or punish yourself when you make a mistake?
- Do you allow negative tapes, based on the past, to play over and over in your head?
- Are you convinced that if someone else really knew what you’ve done in your pas they could never love you?
Remember this: Charles Manson just got married. There is no mistake that you’ve made that can’t be forgiven or forgotten but it has to be done by you first. In order for others to accept you, the onus lies on you to accept yourself.
YOU’RE RESENTFUL
Men are not all dogs and women are not all liars but one past hurt can make us believe this. I often ask singles if they like the opposite sex. Sometimes I find men and women incredibly resentful against people who are attractive, privileged, or confident because they, themselves, are not that way.
Sometimes we resent the very people we are pursuing. Other times, single men and women are incredibly resentful because they believe that they should be married by now, or in a better relationship, or dating higher quality people.
If you are not creating the love life that you deserve it’s no one’s fault but your own. No one else can take from you what is meant for you so holding a grudge against anyone because of wrong beliefs only hurts your love life.
All men are not bad and neither are all women. If a past love lead you to believe that a certain type of person can’t be trusted or isn’t good then you are letting the past color your future.
Let go of past hurts. Resentful men and women are negative which makes them incredibly unattractive. If you are judging potential dates based on people you’ve dated in the past you’re doing your love life a disservice. Take every person by their own merit.
Just because the cover is similar doesn’t make the story the same.
Regardless of what has happened in the past think about how you want to live now. What do you see in your future when it comes to love and a relationship? You won’t get it by living in the past. Every day is a new opportunity to find love, use it to your advantage.