Do you want to know the secret to dating success? It’s you.
Your internal feelings and external actions directly affect how successful you will be in all facets of your life, but especially when it comes to relationships. That’s why it’s important to be positive, committed, and above all, confident. All of that is easier said than done, however. In this article I will explore seven things you should be doing to help build confidence in your relationships today.
1. Assume that your partner likes you.
If you are in a relationship with someone, it’s a good bet that your partner feels positively and even lovingly towards you.
Unfortunately, many people lack the confidence to accept that basic relationship fact. It is not uncommon for individuals to overanalyze their partner’s actions, especially if they are not as open and honest about their feelings as you are. Not everyone is good at being open, but most people are able to express their feelings in other ways like through nice gestures or simply being there when you need them. Once you accept the fundamental premise of any relationship, you can begin dating with confidence.
2. Set boundaries within the relationship.
All relationships should have boundaries. They help us prioritize our own needs and prevent us from playing the part of parent or babysitter for our partners. Boundary setting is a sign of healthy partnership. Without it, you might be putting up with treatment that would normally be unacceptable to you. Speak to your partner and make sure that they understand your needs. The more you address these things, the greater your confidence will be in yourself and your relationship. If you expect boundaries to set themselves, you are in for a rude awakening.
3. Trust the decisions you make.
One of the telltale signs of a lack of confidence is a lack of surety in decision making. But a relationship is built out of the decisions that we make every single day. Just as with your boundaries, you should feel comfortable in addressing decisions you make with your partner and trust that you know what is best for you. If you constantly look to friends or even your partner for answers, you will never be able to think for yourself. There is nothing wrong with consulting others, but when it comes to having the final say, that belongs to you and only you. You have to be able to trust in yourself if you ever want to be able to trust others.
4. Stop seeking reassurance.
If you need to be reminded every day that you are good, worthwhile, and loved, that’s not necessarily a sign that the person you’re dating is being neglectful. Instead, it might be a sign that you’re needy. We all like and require validation from time to time, but people who are confident know that it is not human nature to point out all of the amazing things you do on a daily basis. Getting angry at your partner for failing to provide constant feedback is a bad way to make them appreciate you and can serve as a good way to kill a relationship. Appreciate the feedback you get and promote the many things you do inside and outside of the relationship.
5. Be responsible for your actions.
Once you make those decisions, own them! A sign of confidence is being able to claim responsibility for the good and bad decisions you make in life and in your relationships. Blaming others for your mistakes or even accusing someone of making you do something is never a good idea. No matter what happens in your relationship, own the things you do and never regrets the things that happen.
6. Accept the things you can’t change.
There are two people contributing to any partnership. That means you only get half of the say and sometimes your partner can’t be or do what you want. Having confidence in your relationship means that you accept the things that can’t change.
If you are constantly pressuring someone to be something they are not, you will quickly push that person away.
You can only control your actions and often times changing oneself is enough to inspire change in someone else.
7. Change the things you can.
Bad relationships are a fact of life, and yet there are so many people who refuse to get out of them.
In these situations, a relationship is about infatuation or addiction – not love. It may be difficult, but making significant changes and even ending a relationship can be the ultimate sign of dating confidence. Sometimes walking away from something is braver and more important than continuing it.
Nobody is perfect and we all fall into these confidence-killing traps at some point in our relationships. By illuminating them, I hope that you can begin to better understand and deal with them as they come up.