When it comes to dating, we’re all scared of something. An unwanted feeling, or an unwanted condition, or finding ourselves in a situation that we could’ve avoided if we’d only stayed single. I don’t believe that anyone actually hates dating. In fact, adults have become quite good at it. So good that we are better at dating than we are at getting into a relationship.
By definition, connecting with new people is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. It’s one a of the core human needs. But we are facing a connection crisis. Most adults don’t know how to connect with another human being because they are crippled by the desire to be liked, understood, accepted. So instead of seeing partnership, single adults end up being defensive, scared, and insecure.
If you want to find love and eventually even get married then you have to put aside the fear, and start to step out with a little faith, and a plan. Most single adults are going through the motions but they would prefer to be in a relationship immediately, as long as it didn’t cost them their security.
You might not want to date. You want the search for the “One” to end. You want to stop having to impress people that you know or really care that much about. So what is stopping you? Why aren’t you in the relationship that you want and so desperately deserve.
We all have a fear of the unknown. We might meet potential dates but we’re still afraid of being wrong, getting hurt, and much worse facing rejection. What if the person that we want doesn’t want us? What if we choose someone but they leave us? What if we find love but it doesn’t last? These are the common fears that stop adults from being open, giving of themselves, and connecting with the very people they are interested in.
Not trying is so much more comforting than trying and failing. Somewhere along the line, you tried and you failed, so you don’t want to try again. So here are a few situations where fear seems to take hold of many singles.
- You see an attractive person, you would like to talk to them but you don’t know what to say. You make eye contact but you don’t approach them and they don’t approach you.
- You make contact with a good looking stranger, you exchange a few words and they’re about to walk away but you want to say more but you’re too nervous.
- You meet a good looking stranger, you start talking and you find you’re attracted to them, you want to go out with them. You want to exchange contact info but you don’t want to seem too desperate and you’re not sure that they’re interested in you.
These situations are common. Most singles have encounters with potential dates all of the time and they miss opportunities for two reasons; they’re unaware or they’re afraid. Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen? The truth is, the feeling of discomfort only persists by your attention to is. Can you fail fast? Can you let go of the uncomfortable feeling after the event is over? This is growth.
The secret to putting this into practice is the acronym AHA. You want to focus on your attitude, habits and your actions.
There is no way to avoid the reality. Attitude is everything! If you don’t think positively you can’t convince someone else to think positively about you. Your level of influence starts with what you think about yourself. You know as well as I do that you don’t need to be an expert in body language to differentiate someone with confidence from someone without.
You have to sell yourself as the sh*t plain and simple.
Make talking to strangers a habit. Make smiling at people a habit. Make saying hello, holding doors and being kind a habit. Make interaction a habit. What is the difference between talking to a potential date or your cashier at Walgreens? Why are you afraid of one person’s judgment versus another? Who the hell are they.
Make it a habit not to get caught up in what anyone else thinks about you.
The only way to build confidence is to do what you are afraid to do but successfully. What exactly are you afraid to do? Talk to strangers, seem interested, and ask for a number or even more a date? The only way you can start to see success in your approach of potential dates is to get a firm understanding of what you’re doing wrong in the first place. Keep practicing and keep working at it! You will only know by doing.
We would all like to know that what we do will work and that who we talk to will be interested in us but there is no way to know. You can only learn by doing. Go out and do it and let me know how it goes.