Contentment.
Noun: A state of happiness and satisfaction.
This simple noun can be the difference between getting dates and not getting dates. When we face rejection as singles, it’s because the person we are interested in is NOT interested in giving us what they think we want.
That simple.
I am constantly being asked out on dates, and I don’t go because I don’t want to give men that I’m not interested in any hopes that they’ll get anything from me. Working in sales, I was often irritated by customers who immediately said, “I’m just browsing,” when asked “how are you, today?”
Do people treat you this way when you approach? Do they immediately shut you down, or put up a wall to keep you out? Do they automatically assume that you want something from them?
Customers assumed I wanted to sell them something. Well I did, but what makes potential dates feel like you want something from them?
Maybe it’s because you do.
Attention
Are you trying to get someone’s attention that isn’t interested in giving it to you?
Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t approach potential dates. I have no problem with you doing so but WHY are you doing it? You want their attention don’t you? Someone’s attention can be a hot commodity. Giving another person attention means expanding our precious energy, and for what? Giving someone your attention is very different from soliciting attention and it starts with your motivation.
When you are content with yourself, you’re sharing your attention to make others feel good. This isn’t possible if at the same time you’re seeking their approval or acceptance.
Validation
Do you need to feel as important or special as the person you are pursuing?
People, who think they’re hot shit, need others to continuously reinforce this idea. It’s slightly competitive but when we meet potential dates that seem content, and have wealth, confidence, beauty or a combination of it all, we want them to avow us as being the same.
Their attraction in us means that they find similarities and commonalities with us.
When you’re content, you don’t feel special or better. You certainly don’t seek affirmation from strangers. You feel very much like everyone else. The reminder that you’re hot shit takes you off guard. You’re humble.
Companionship
Are you letting your loneliness dictate who you pursue and how you pursue them?
Wanting something from someone else isn’t desperation, needing it is. Being lonely doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re desperate but it can cross a fine line between the two.
We would all like to have someone in our lives to share our happiness with but as singles we don’t always have that luxury but searching for that companionship is unattractive. It turns off potential dates because they feel like they will be held responsible to ease our loneliness.
That’s a lot of responsibility. But again, these are all assumptions based on the short time we come across potential dates. In a matter of seconds, people assess what you can offer them. If nothing is the answer you’re automatically placed in the ‘they want something’ category.
They judge you, can you believe it?!? The best way to avoid this is to fulfill your life. Be content with what you have and where you’re at in life. Engage people that you can give to and not those you want to take from.
Inviting someone on a date doesn’t mean that you have something to offer. If potential dates feel that you want their attention, validation or companionship, you’ll be denied.
Thoughts?