Online dating is showing no signs of slowing down. In a world where we are connected in multiple ways, the desire is stronger than ever to meet new people. Facebook dating, amongst other traditional apps like Hinge, or Tinder make swiping a pastime. For some singles, and married people, making matches online is a sport.
Statistics estimate that at least 30% of people who use dating apps are in committed relationships. This sucks for anyone who is looking for true love or a relationship.
So are dating apps still a good source of viable relationship candidates? Yes, but you have to learn how to avoid the flakes and attract the people that want what you want. The process starts from designing a profile that invites serious inquiries only, and vetting your matches properly.
Choose the Right Site
Dating apps are designed to utilize specific algorithms. They are not created to find you love but you help you make matches. The more matches you make on any given app, the more data you are providing the company. So if you are looking for a serious relationship choose an app that doesn’t depend on how long you stay in the app. Dating apps like Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and The League, are not harvesting your data.
There is a limited amount of time that you will spend on these apps because you don’t have access to just anyone on the platform. Also, in the case of Hinge, the more you share about yourself the better the app can get to you, so you can be matched with other singles who have similar interests. When investing time in a dating app, these platforms require more of an investment of time and will yield a higher return. While you may not find as many matches, the ones that you do find likely be interested in serious dating over dating casually.
How To Create A Profile That Sells
No matter what app you choose, it’s important to create a profile that speaks to your ideal audience. You don’t want to date just anyone. If you appreciate the attention and are simply looking for an ego boost then Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid fit the bill. If you want to be in relationship then attracting the right people is paramount.
You profile consists of a high quality photo and a brief bio on who you are. Think about your profile like a menu. When was the last time you sat at a restaurant, perused the menu, and thought to yourself – that sounds good. That’s exactly what your profile should be like. Of course the photos resemble that of ordering from Grubhub, but your profile should read like fine dining. Explain, who you are and what excites you about life.
You don’t need to include what you don’t want. Guess what, you’re in adult. If someone comes into your inbox with an unsavory attitude, you have the ability to block them, ignore them, or simply respond – thanks for your message but I don’t think we are a good fit.
Don’t get offended by a stranger’s behavior when dating online. Use it as feedback that your profile isn’t sending the right message or calling in the right candidates. Your profile isn’t set it stone. Keep changing it until you feel it accurately represents you.
Vet Your Dates Before the Date
This is a new dawn of dating. One that because so many singles meet online, the vetting process is all but non-existent. There is too much trust in dating apps and online dating platforms. Before you agree to meet in person, you should assume that the person you are chatting with is bot, or some kind of scam. Is this cynical? Perhaps, but when you are looking for love there are no measures too extreme to take including being judgmental of a complete stranger.
The spawn of the ‘coffee date’ is the failure of a generation to screen their dates properly. Don’t wait until the date to start the ‘get to know you’ process. This wastes time. Again, if you are dating casually and you have the time then it doesn’t matter but if you are serious about meeting the right person, there is no rush in meeting in person. That is not how you ‘know’ someone is for you. You will know that someone is for you when they are willing to invest in getting to know you to the same degree that you are investing in getting to know them. There is only one rule that you need to abide by: you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person. If someone decides that you’re too much ‘work’, then you saved yourself from another failed connection.
Ask your date to call you on the phone before you meet up. Ask your date to send you recent photos before you meet up. Tell your date that you would love to meet them if there is chemistry between the two of you. Don’t go on the date hoping that there is.
Stay In Control of Your Emotions
Dating is difficult when you’re insecure. While everyone is plagued with some degree of insecurity, it’s important to keep in mind that you are creating your own reality. Are you looking for validation, or a true life partner? Do you need every interaction to go perfectly, or are you open minded to the fact that this is a process and there might be many ‘No’s’ before you get to a ‘Yes’.
No one can offend you without your permission. When dating online, you have to be aware that only you can control how you feel and what you do. There is a popular saying: don’t expect yourself from other people. Just because someone isn’t living up to your expectations doesn’t make them a bad person, and it doesn’t make the dating process flawed. They just aren’t your person. Recognize that that will be the case the majority of the time. Ultimately, you only need one person to be your person.
Move on Quickly
Dating apps are designed for speed. When you realize that someone you meet on an app isn’t for you, move on and don’t think about it. You don’t need to invest so much energy into strangers. If you are, this says more about your insecurity than it does about them. You want to meet someone, and you are eager for a relationship but everything that happens is just feedback. Don’t put more meaning into the results than necessary and don’t dwell on outcomes that are beyond your control. If you want to be seductive and influential and make everyone you date fall in love with you then you have to learn how. You can’t just hope to be irresistible. You can’t expect that everyone you match with will immediately see your value.
A confident person doesn’t worry about who isn’t their type, or who doesn’t like them. A secure person keeps on moving on to the next. Dating unfortunately, isn’t personal. Everyone is making the best choice for themselves, in the moment and at the time. The sooner you accept that you can only control your behavior the better the experience will be.
In order to find love on a dating app, you have to be intentional. Love isn’t luck. If you don’t approach the process with a plan then you are leaving love up to chance and chances are you won’t find it.