Home Communication Why They Aren’t Texting You And What To Do About It

Why They Aren’t Texting You And What To Do About It

Why They Aren’t Texting You And What To Do About It


We can all agree that it’s critical to the success of a relationship but so few of us know how to do it effectively.

In today’s world many singles rely on texting instead of calling to communicate with the person they’re dating. With so many ways we can reach out and touch someone, it’s amazing how much stock we place on a mere text. It’s important to ALL of us to hear from the person we’re dating. So what does it mean, when someone isn’t texting you.

I could go on an on, about the reasons and meanings behind a simple text but I will put it to you this way.

Plain and simple…

Does this person have the capacity and desire to make you a priority? Really think about this. An inability to text isn’t a character flaw; some people just don’t like it. But there is a HUGE difference between having a texting problem versus having a communication problem.

What communication allows us to do, is determine if we’re a priority to the person that we’re dating. Texting is one way to know that we’re on their mind, and that we are important to someone else.

First, determine if you’re a priority.

Give the person that you’re dating some credit. And why not? You wouldn’t be so into them if they didn’t have some redeeming qualities.

Can you make a strong case for the other ways they show you attention and affection? Do they use alternate methods to show to they are thinking about you? If you’re looking for a text to solidify someone’s interest in you, then you’re asking to be disappointed.

Find as many other ways, as you can, to make the case that you are indeed important to this person. Or else stop dating them. You are settling for less than you deserve if you’re measuring your importance based on a text.

Next, it’s important to establish a pattern.

Are you expecting a text back when one is unlikely to come?

Such as, you know someone’s schedule and they’re busy at work. Or, are you planning a date and expecting them to confirm but they don’t? Does this person have a pattern of communication that you’re missing?

Hint, hint… most people do.

It’s easy to worry that someone is losing interest when they aren’t responding on your schedule. Dating is the process of getting to know someone and judging compatibility. Unless you establish a pattern of texting, and communication, it’s hard to judge if their style is all that compatible with yours.

The question isn’t, ‘Why aren’t they texting me?’ the question is, ‘Am I getting what I need?’.

Lastly, evaluate your needs.

Most of the time when we’re waiting for a text, we are basing our emotional output on someone else’s behavior.

Meaning, we are really happy and feel good when they show us attention, or we’re really bummed and upset when they don’t. But think about what your core needs are.

  • If you need to know that you’re important to them, and they’re thinking of you. Red flag.
  • If you are the one who is always texting and initiating communication again, red flag.
  • If you need important details confirmed, then make a stronger case for a respond.  Add a call to action such as ‘let me know’, or ‘get back to me’.
  • If you need them to show their interest via text, show yours first, and notice if they follow suit.

You are in charge of how you feel, and the experience that you have in dating. No one can make dating feel good for you except you. Whether or not someone responds to a text, or initiates one, shouldn’t matter if you’re secure in the courtship.

If there is insecurities in the relationship then everything, even small things like texting, become an issue.

What you can do instead is master your own communication so that your needs are met. It might seem scary or new to you, but think about how you want to communicate. Judge the effectiveness of your communication by if you’re getting your point across and your needs met.

If someone isn’t texting you back, or showing interest then re-evaluate how much interest you show in them. I hope this was helpful.

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