Many people often wonder about this question. Should you wait a month? A year? A few years? Is it OK to remain alone after your divorce? The only one who can really answer this question is you.
No one can really give you an exact time of when you should start dating after a divorce. If you were to ask 10 different people about when the right time would be to move on, you would most likely get 10 different answers. Relationships after a divorce can be tricky, especially if you are not emotionally ready. Therefore, the main thing to consider is not how much time to wait, but rather how ready you are to date after a divorce.
Have a look at the following points to see if you are ready to date. This will then give you an indication of how long to wait to date after ending your marriage.
1. Are you truly over your ex?
Stop and think for a bit. How do you feel about your ex? Are you over them completely? Getting over your ex can take time; especially if you didn’t want the divorce in the first place. Perhaps you share many fond memories or even have children together. This can make it harder to move on. Before jumping into dating again, make sure that you are over your ex-spouse. Dating too soon after a divorce could be a real emotional rollercoaster.
Or perhaps, you are on the other end of the spectrum. You may feel that your marriage was over long ago. Maybe you stopped loving your spouse ages ago. In this case, you might feel ready to begin dating again right after your marriage has ended. It is wise, though, to take some time for yourself before you begin dating again.
2. Ask yourself why you want to date again.
Why do you want to start dating again? Is it because you feel lonely? Is it to hurt your ex? Or are you really ready to meet someone who can bring happiness into your life? Some people date again right after their divorce to avoid feeling the pain that their divorce has caused. But by doing this, you are just prolonging your suffering. Once your marriage has ended, it is important to allow yourself to grieve. Some people view dating as a band-aid to put over their broken hearts. If the wound is really deep, a band-aid will not help. You might need emotional surgery to help you through the trauma. You can do this by seeing a psychologist who can help you work through your pain, anger, and grief.
When you need to date someone, then this could mean that you are not yet ready to move on with someone new. Before you date again you will need to have a certain amount of confidence in yourself. When you know yourself and have healed fully, then you will attract the right kind of person to you. If you have taken the time to heal, and you want to date again, then this is a good sign.
3. Consider your children if you have kids
If you do have children, you might want to wait a while before you start dating again. Remember, they have also gone through the divorce with you. They might also miss your ex, and bringing someone new into their lives too soon could be catastrophic. It would be a good idea to wait at least 6 months before introducing someone new to your kids. Within 6 months you should know if a person is genuine enough to bring home to your children. If you bring someone home too soon after a divorce, then it can cause anxiety in your kids. So when it comes to asking how long should you wait to date after a divorce, take your time, especially if you have children.
4. Trust your instincts
If you feel ready in your heart to start dating again, then do it. But if you are unsure, then wait. There is no need to rush into a new relationship. It is also important to go with your gut when it comes to meeting someone. If you aren’t happy with your new love interest, move on. Don’t stay in a bad relationship. That’s the fun part about dating, you get to meet a lot of new and interesting people.
5. Be patient
Before you start dating again, be patient with yourself. It takes a long time to figure out who you are again without your partner. Now is the time to do things that you have always wanted to do but were never able to. Have you always wanted to go to India? Take a cruise to Alaska? Climb Mount Kilimanjaro? Do these things before you move on. This will build up your self-confidence and make you feel happy with yourself. Going through a divorce can leave you emotionally drained. You will need time to heal. Take this time to find out what your passions are again, and figure out what it is you want out of life. This is also a good time to assess what went wrong in your marriage.
Have a good look at yourself and at your ex. Was there anything that you did that you would like to work on? Maybe, for example, you were not great at saving money. If so, then now is the time to work at becoming financially responsible. This will help you to not repeat the same mistakes, and it will help you look for someone who is different from your ex.
So what’s the verdict? How long should you wait to date after a divorce? The only one who can answer that question is you. Look inside yourself and trust your instincts. You will know when you are truly ready to jump back into the dating scene.