Getting into a relationship isn’t a difficult if you know how. If you’ve taken the time to actually think about how relationships are started, you’ll see that it’s a process; one that is effective, and often repeatable.
If you’re struggling to get a girlfriend because you either haven’t learned the process, or haven’t applied it effectively then the current environment of men and women relations might seem intimidating, or down right scary. Now more than ever, is the time to learn.
How you get into a relationship is a post for another time, but how you get into a relationship in the age of women empowerment, and the rise of movements like #METOO, is what I’ll share with you now.
Get to know women.
It’s not enough to accept that you don’t know anything about women. Ignorance is no longer an excuse. If you wanted to grow a garden, you’d learn about horticulture. If you wanted to learn to drive a car, you’d pick up a car manual, a practice test from the DMV, or take lessons. Yet so many straight men, if not all, want to date women yet know nothing about them. And not only do they not know women, they don’t even bother to learn women.
Instead they follow the advice of other men who have had a few successful nights with women.
Think about this for a moment. Why is it ok NOT to know about women? Getting to know women, isn’t as hard as you think but have you ever tried? Have you ever invested in a friendship with a women without romantic intentions? Have you ever read a book on the female brain, or a biography of a famous woman? What about a book written by a female author?
Think for a moment what you’d like to learn about women. Whatever you are you curious to know, just go out and learn it.
The argument most men will make is that all women are different, which is true. But the female culture is one just like any other. If you were traveling abroad, you’d want to pick up a map of the cities you were visiting. You might read books on the culture, and the people. You might choose a few restaurants, or landmarks, that embody the character of your destination.
The point is, you would educate yourself at least a little bit. You’d do this because you’d realize that a little education goes a long way. The more you understand a place and its culture, the more you appreciate it. Why not do the same with women?
Ignore your objections for a moment, and ask yourself these 3 questions…
What do I currently know about women that is true? What do I currently believe about women that is true? What can I learn about women that I don’t currently know? Just a little more information about women, will give you an advantage in dating.
Ask women permission.
If you’re a man, and you’re really honest with yourself, then you’ll admit that the reason you don’t ask a woman’s permission to ‘make a move’ is because it’s not cool. You might also admit that you don’t know how because you’ve never tried. Making a move such as going in for a kiss, holding your date’s hand, or attempting to engage in sex of any kind, is supposed to be done on the whim.
The image of the leading man grabbing a woman, and kissing her is emblazoned in many people’s mind as romance. This is the plot of a RomCom, this is not real life. And certainly not your life.
Permission is taking ownership, instead of taking control. When you attempt to take control, you risk violating your date, and regretting having taken such bold steps. You’ll either be rejected, or you’ll get compliance. Neither one is sexy. Neither one is what you want.
Think of a time when you attempted to make a move and the outcome wasn’t in your favor. You probably have a vivid memory of how you felt. In fact, it’s this traumatic result that hold men back from being assertive with women in the first place. If you want to reach a desired outcome, just ask for permission.
Use phrases like, “I really want to X, but I want you to be ok with it.” or “Can I…”
Now, saying “Can I have sex with you?” isn’t exactly the most romantic phrase, and it’ll probably come across just as awkward saying it, as it does reading it.
Here is a safe bet that you can make about most, if not all women. If she isn’t touching you, she probably won’t sleep with you and if you haven’t kissed yet, then the chances of having sex are slim.
Having asked successfully for a kiss, you should have the confidence to ask for something more. Keeping in mind that you want to take the next logical step. Logical meaning – let’s take things back to middle school shall we. Yes, baseball. First base, second base, third base etc.
The hesitation with asking for anything is supported by the common saying, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” Well, not in dating. In dating, permission is everything.
Learn to like women
Most heterosexual men assume that they like women. How can you like women, if you know nothing about them? The men who know the least about women, and like women the least, are also the least likely to get girlfriends. What do I mean by ‘like’ women? If you’re not sure how you feel about women, then ask yourself these questions, and answer honestly.
If you didn’t have to date women, would you even interact with them? Would you consider women worthy of friendship, respect, and equality? Do you consider women valuable, not only to your life, but to the world?
If you want a girlfriend, you have to value women, not only as partners but as friends. You have to understand that a woman can sense your sentiment towards her, and towards the gender as a whole, a mile away. Only a woman with low standards would put up with a man who didn’t like, or respect women. This does happen, and we see it translated as abuse.
Being physically, or emotionally threatening to women is just one side of the spectrum of hating women. You don’t need to hate women, not to like them.
If you want to be sure that you actually like women, then think about the women in your life. What women do you spend the most time with? Are they family members, co-workers, or friends? The more relationships you develop with women, and the more interactions that you have with women, the more likely you are to get into a relationship.
It’s very similar to the adage the more time you spend around successful people, the more likely you are to be successful.
This doesn’t mean that you have to devote your time to building platonic relationships with women. The key is balance. If the only time you spend with women is on a date then you run the risk of developing resentment if your dates don’t go well. Enough negative experiences will leave you bitter. To make sure that you like women, you have to have a healthy ratio of positive interactions. If you can’t find an appreciation for women, then you are less likely to attract them.
The less likely you are to attract women, the lesser your chances of finding a girlfriend.