There is one key insight about dating, and it’s the fact that dating is not chance. Dating, like everything else, is the result of plans made and well executed.
Currently, you are living the results of your thinking and actions. If you want to start dating now then you must believe that there is a method for success. You must accept that there is a right way and a wrong way to play the dating game and that until now you have been playing it incorrectly. The first step is by understanding that dating is a game. It’s a made up construct that was designed for consumerism. To protest that you don’t want to play games ignores the fact that dating doesn’t come natural.
Removing the doubt that you have created in your love life is the key to success. Next, realize that dating defies the rules of mate selection. Who you are attracted to and who you should choose for a partner doesn’t always follow logic. The key to finding the love that you want starts with knowing that you are enough. Once you can erase the doubt and take chances in dating than finding a relationship is easier than you think.
So how can you start dating smarter, and get the relationship you deserve?
Find the Right Person
First, you must commit to finding the right people. The idea of having to “look” for someone or to put in effort in dating can’t scare you. At least it shouldn’t. Everywhere you go is an opportunity to meet wonderful people. Your biggest hurdle is that you’re not looking for wonderful people you’re only looking for the “one”. Remember this: everyone you meet is an opportunity to meet the right person. They might not be the “one” but they might know the “one”.
The reason that it’s difficult to understand this is because making real connections is difficult. You can’t connect with everyone because you are afraid of what might happen. This is anxiety.
Where might a smile lead?
Where might a conversation lead?
What might happen if you give someone the “wrong idea”?
What happens if you are rejected?
What happens if you embarrass yourself, etc?
These are a lot of maybes. What if nothing happens other than you make a new friend or you have a pleasant encounter? You might have an unpleasant encounter and you might have to stand up for yourself. These unnatural fears of connection come from the idea that dating is about getting to the point. You believe that if you are talking to someone for any reason, other than to secure a date or spark a romantic connection, then you are wasting your time.
Remove The Fear Of Connection
If you want to start dating then you must create a strategy that includes making connections. You must always be flirtatious, sexy, funny and inviting. You must learn how to connect with others quickly and easily.
The idea of a connection is simple. It’s a moment of mutual engagement with someone else. Connection is a well-received compliment, a shared laugh or a held gaze. A connection opens the door to a positive experience. They can last a second or for hours but they are critical to dating success because the better you become at connecting with others the more attractive you will seem to the people you want to date.
If you are able to connect with other people it means that you understand them and by understanding them you can appreciate them. Connection means appreciation. Unfortunately, like many people you don’t date to connect, understand or to appreciate. You date in order to determine compatibility. You want to get to the point. You want to know immediately if you are compatible. You want to know immediately if the other person is interested. You want to know immediately where things are going. You don’t consider that they could lead to the love of your life, you’re only interested in if they are the love of your life.
Allow for Possibility
Take a moment to allow a possibility. Could your next relationship teach you exactly what you need to know about yourself in order to find more dates? Possibly a lifelong partner? Your strategy for connection could be as simple as asking a slightly personal question of everyone you meet. It could be as simple as remembering a person’s name and using it during conversation.
What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that someone will think you are hitting on them, or that you want something from them? Are you afraid that you will embarrass yourself, or find yourself in an awkward situation? The only way to resolve this fear is to do the thing that scares you.
If you are willing, can you make eye contact, smile invitingly or have meaningful but casual conversation with a new person. And when? All it takes is the ability to understand someone else, and by understanding them you can appreciate their role in your life. Even if it’s just in that moment, you can learn something. You might just learn not to make every moment so important.
Appreciate and Value Everyone You Meet
I have seen many single men and women struggle with connection simply because they place limits on who they think will like them. They also hold prejudgments about who they believe they will like. Coupled with the idea that talking to anyone who isn’t your “type” is a waste of time, the blocks get even harder to clear. Let go of this thinking.
Consider this: don’t worry about what happens next. The truth is, you don’t know. Plan for the best, but prepare for the worst but don’t be someone who expects the worst automatically. You will never clear the blocks with a negative or pessimistic attitude. The art of being negative is one that many single men and women have mastered. Not only are you convinced of what will happen, you truly believe in the limits that you have placed on your life. You feel completely justified in your pessimism because one time, long ago, it did happened. Now you wrongly believe that to be optimistic, is to set yourself up for failure. You think to be optimistic is too painful because when you’re wrong it’s your ego on the line.
Release The Negativity
Negativity does not attract the right people. It attracts broken and hurtful people. Negativity attracts liars and egomaniacs. If you are surrounding yourself with negative energy then you are inviting into your life everything that you don’t want. You are creating the very circumstances that bring you pain.
Perhaps you can’t see this because you believe that you are so inconsequential that one negative thought here or there does you no harm. Regardless of what you have accepted as the rules of dating there can be no denying that if these “rules” don’t serve you then they aren’t for you. Why hold onto what hasn’t been working? Clear the blocks that are keeping you single by letting go of your version of dating. Just decide that you no longer wish to think in a negative way.
Don’t be held back by beliefs that don’t serve you. Are you willing to make a change?
Can you get excited about what’s to come in your love life?
Can you be thrilled by the thought of being in love?
I hope so, because joy and optimism work. I am here to tell you that you are the most powerful person in your life. Nothing can be perceived in your mind without your permission.
You can choose to see life as a welcoming and safe place or a scary one. You can see people as honest and there for your good or devious and meant for your harm. You are the only one who can think the right or wrong thoughts. By choosing negative thoughts you keep up the many blocks and walls that keep love out. Your ‘what if’ thinking, meant to prevent the bad also eliminates the good. What if something wonderful happened? With these tips a relationship is at your fingertips. Ultimately, if you believe that you are the designer of your future, you can use this information to create a relationship that you want faster than you thought possible.
If you are ready for a relationship, take the quiz. Learn for sure if you are ready for love.