You met a great guy over the weekend at your friend’s barbecue. And meeting through a mutual friend seems almost the best way these days with all the digital platforms to ensure he won’t be using you.
The magnetic chemistry between the two of you felt incredible and he has quite the witty humor too. You find yourself smitten by his mysterious smile and wonder where has he been all your life.
You exchange phone numbers with him before your departure and establish plans to meet up later in the week and grab a drink. You both agree to cocktails after work on Friday.
As the week unfolds, he’s becoming more and more interesting. You begin to bond over similar music artists, movies, family values and seem to really understand each other. He claims he is at a great place in his life and passionate about his career just like you.
Thursday arrives and he begins to send you flirty text messages. You’re starting to experience a new side of him that you haven’t seen before. He is very attractive so you’re enjoying the flirtatious banter and his strong interest he’s taking in you.
As much you love the attention, you’re feeling a bit on uneasy because you don’t know how to respond to his sexting since you haven’t had an official date. You decide to go along with the flow and sext him back, but nothing too provocative as you want to keep it tasteful.
Friday approaches and you meet for drinks after work. It’s just like you thought it would be – an amazing first date! You begin to think to yourself “I really like him.”
You keep texting over the weekend and the following workweek. He hasn’t asked you on a second date, yet keeps texting you. Then, another week goes by. He’s consistent with sexting you, but you begin to wonder how come he’s not asking you out again. Everything has been great up until this point.
Here Are 5 Signs Why He Isn’t Asking You On Another Date:
1. He Is Newly Single
He mentions how he recently ended a long-term relationship and isn’t quite ready for anything serious. It doesn’t mean he won’t be down the road, but right now he is only looking to keep things casual through sexting.
Men often don’t process their feelings right away after a break-up. It can sometimes take them several months or up to a year before they think about the loss of losing a partner. In the meantime, they are bound to live life to the fullest while going through the motions without any care in the world.
To avoid being one of his many women he’s using, coyly try to find out how long he has been single or what his relationship history is like without going into too many details. This will help you gather facts you need to know where he is at emotionally about pursuing you or not.
2. He Is Emotionally Unavailable
Based on his actions, he isn’t looking to have an emotional connection to you or any woman for that matter. He is emotionally unavailable and will prevent any sort of connection forming into something more. This could be for a million and one reasons, but it’s unlikely he will tell you.
He may have got hurt by someone he loved and is afraid to open himself up again. Or maybe he travels a lot for work, so his lifestyle isn’t allowing him to have a healthy relationship right now. The list is endless about why he is emotionally removed, but know that no matter what you do you cannot convince him to change his mind. He has to want a relationship to make it work.
3. He Is Testing You
He is trying to see what he can get away with or determine what kind of woman you are. This type of behavior shows the lack of his emotional maturity on his part. A man who is emotionally available will continuously purse a woman until he knows whether or not she’s right for him. So keep your eyes wide open if you feel he is pushing your boundaries. This can be a good indicator he won’t be a great partner either.
It is your responsibility to set the tone and pace of the relationship based on how you want to be treated. If you are willing to sext him prior to him courting you, then he may not feel the need to pursue you. He will think you’re an easy catch which is the opposite of what men really want. Men need to put in the effort in order to appreciate and value you as his woman.
And if he’s testing you, then you’ll want to establish how to set boundaries and eliminate this behavior. A woman of value will not cave to a weak man’s desires as you deserve respect from the beginning.
4. He Only Wants Attention
He has a charming way of getting you to do exactly what he wants, like sending him pictures. Once he gets his needs met, then he vanishes into his own life again. He plays the hot and cold game to keep you on his hook and to receive what he wants when he wants it. He will more than likely keep doing this when contacts you, leaving you feeling empty-handed.
He admires the attention you give him but isn’t wanting anything more than that. You are his ego booster fulfilling his deep voids within him. If he’s into you, you’ll know it and if he’s not, you’ll be confused. Know when to trust your gut and walk away for your own emotional health.
5. He Is Using You
While women tend to be more relationship-focused, men can be known to pursue women for sexual pleasure without any intentions of forming an intimate connection. If he is in this phase of his life, then he is just looking to sow his oats and see what life has to offer. You don’t want to become another one of his options.
A man who continues to sext you, but makes zero effort to spend quality time with you is using you for his own sexual satisfaction. A man who wants to be in a relationship will make an effort to plan dates with you, call you, and ask how your day is. He will continuously show you he wants more than a simple sext message.
If you find yourself caught in a sexting situation early on in the dating phase, know that it most likely won’t give you want – a relationship. This man is giving you clear signs he is not ready and will leave you feeling frustrated and used. So, if you want a relationship, leave him be so you can allow a man who is ready for a relationship to come into your life.
Final note: Don’t sext with a man until you’ve been dating a for a period of time and the relationship has moved to the sexual phase. This is the best way to decide if he is into you, or just using you.
The Love Twins,
Jan & Jillian